“An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones.”
–Proverbs 12:4 NASB2020
Shame could be described as self-bitterness, or feeling bad about oneself. Envy rots the bones (see Proverbs 14:30). Envy and shame go together, for a person who has envy also has bitterness and shame (self-bitterness).
In the above proverb, whereas an excellent wife who honors, encourages, and speaks life to her husband will strengthen the marriage, a bitter, nagging, proud wife who shames him may tempt him to become bitter, envious (wanting the marriage he doesn’t have), and/or to shut down emotionally in the marriage.
The shamed husband may blame and hate himself for the state of his marriage, as self-hatred is the byproduct of self-bitterness (shame), self-resentment, self-retaliation (unhealthy, guilt-ridden introspection), and self-anger (depression, an “internal temper tantrum”). (1)
A mindset of shame, bitterness, and envy birthed from one’s response to hurtful experiences will rewire into the brain an unhealthy “recipe” or “formula” which releases the “ingredients” of various hormones, neurotransmitters, neuropeptides, interleukins, and such chemicals into the body (or bones). For the mind set on the flesh (which includes envy and bitterness) is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace.
“Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.”
–Galatians 5:19-21 NASB [emphasis mine]
“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.”
–Ephesians 4:31-32 NASB [emphasis mine]
“For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace,…for if you are living according to the flesh, you must die; but if by the Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the body, you will live.”
–Romans 8:6, 13 NASB
Physiologically, the end result of failure to be transformed by the renewing of one’s mind by abiding in Love (which does not envy) will produce death in the physical body through conditions such as osteoporosis.
“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;”
–I Corinthians 13:4 NKJV
“As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love. If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.”
–John 15:9-12 NKJV
“Do not marvel, my brethren, if the world hates you. We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love the brethren. He who does not love his brother abides in death. Whoever hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.”
–I John 3:13-15 NKJV
This invites the question, how do we get rid of all bitterness? How can we get envy out of our lives? How can we be transformed by the renewing of our mind so that the brain can stop dumping all the wrong “recipes” of chemicals into our bodies so that the resulting autoimmune diseases and/or osteoporosis can be reversed?
“Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.”
–Romans 12:1-2 NASB
How do we present our bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God? What does that look like? What does that mean?
“But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the Law.”
–Galatians 5:16-18 NASB
“Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. Let us not become boastful, challenging one another, envying one another.”
–Galatians 5:24-26 NASB
Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires (including envy, bitterness, slander, sexual immorality, etc.) When we identify with Jesus in His death, burial, resurrection, ascension, and seating in the heavenly realms, then Jesus can live his life through us.
“I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.”
–Galatians 2:20 NASB
“Therefore we have been buried with Him through baptism into death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life. For if we have become united with Him in the likeness of His death, certainly we shall also be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this, that our old self was crucified with Him, in order that our body of sin might be done away with, so that we would no longer be slaves to sin; for he who has died is freed from sin.
Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, knowing that Christ, having been raised from the dead, is never to die again; death no longer is master over Him. For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God.
Even so consider yourselves to be dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its lusts, and do not go on presenting the members of your body to sin as instruments of unrighteousness; but present yourselves to God as those alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God.”
–Romans 6:4-13 NASB
“But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.”
–Ephesians 2:4-7 NASB
Here is a sample, spontaneous prayer to express how we might apply these truths by engaging with God through His Word:
“Father, I thank You for loving me. I adore You for who You are. You are Love, and You do not envy and You keep no record of wrongs. You are not bitter against me; Your Son already drank that bitter, foaming cup of Your wrath against sin on my behalf because of Your mercy and love for me. I thank You for cleansing me from all pride, envy, and bitterness by restoring me to Your image and character when You made me a new creation and removed the sin of the world from my life when I put my trust and hope in Jesus, Your beloved Son.
Thank You for accepting me in the Beloved and for loving me with the same love with which You love Jesus. As I behold You and fellowship with Your Holy Spirit, I thank You that my character shall reflect Your perfect character more and more. As I remain in your love and spend time in your presence, any envy or bitterness or pride or anything else that hinders love cannot remain in my life or mindset.
Thank You for transforming me by the renewing of my mind as I continually present myself before You as a holy and living sacrifice. I invite You to have your way with me in every relationship with which you have entrusted or given me. Thank You for teaching me how to love my spiritual family and others the same way that You love me.
I reckon myself dead to sin, envy, shame, bitterness, pride, hard-heartedness, and anything else that hinders Your love from flowing in and through my life to others, and I consider myself alive to You in Christ Jesus.
Have Your way in me as You wash me with the water of Your Word and cleanse me from all mindsets that are not Your correct mindset. I invite and thank You for cutting and pruning away any areas of my life that are not producing Your fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, and character.
Thank you that I am crucified with Christ and it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. I thank You for an increasing awareness of Your presence and power as I go throughout my day led by Your Spirit as I trust Him who loved me and gave Himself for me.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
If you do not yet have a relationship with God through Jesus, see “Four Spiritual Laws for Healing a Broken Heart.”
- Combined insights about the progression from self-bitterness to self-hatred gleaned from Dr. Henry W. Wright and Dr. Charles Solomon. The idea that shame could be interchangeable with self-bitterness I gleaned from David Diga Hernandez on YouTube.
