The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines “hypocrite” as “1: a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion” or “2: a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings.” (1)
“In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets.
–Matthew 7:12 NASB1995
The “Golden Rule,” as many have termed a famous principle by Jesus, says “Do unto others as you would have them to do you, for this sums of the Law and the Prophets” (my paraphrase). How does this tie into hypocrisy? Generally, a hypocrite is understood to be somebody who says one thing but does another, somebody who does not “practice what he preaches.” C. S. Lewis once described a man who has a double-standard in his book Mere Christianity. (2)
To paraphrase Lewis, such a man might say that God does not exist or that a divine Judge won’t hold him accountable for the way he lives or treats people. However, after somebody steals that man’s wallet or car, that man is enraged. He will want justice.
The victim of such injustice will want for that thief to be held accountable for his actions, for his possessions to be returned, and/or to receive compensation for his loss. On the one hand, the man believes that he can choose to live as he pleases, but his view changes or is exposed as a double-standard when somebody else violates his boundaries.
In this scenario, the thief himself also operates from that same mindset as he reasons that he could steal or do whatever he pleases and should be able to get away with it. The desperate thief may likely argue that God shouldn’t hold him accountable for acting selfishly, and he might make excuses that due to his desperate circumstances, he had “no choice” but to steal that wallet or that car from the blessed, better-off man who didn’t need it as much as he did.
Let’s use another example.
Many may see no harm in a “little gossip;” after all, it’s just a little “juicy gossip.” In fact, some say sharing negative things about others “behind their back” is not really “gossip,” it’s just having a conversation, sharing life, and talking with friends. Someone with such a predisposition may argue, “If you can’t ‘gossip’ or talk about other people or what they did, then what else is there to talk about? There is just no other possible thing to connect with people about on a deeper level.”
In response to that idea, there are some other possible things and topics to talk about besides the “dirt” on people. You want to be the kind of person who says good things about people behind their back. A gossiper or slanderer is a narcissist who derives pleasure and satisfaction from criticizing, belittling, or finding something negative about others in order to feel better about themselves.
How might hypocrisy apply to the topic of malicious gossip? There is a way to talk about others without being a “gossiper.” Be the kind of person who shares good things about people behind their back. A gossiper will go around sharing a negative report on how toxic someone is or what they did simply for the sake of attempting to connect with someone through their inside information. It is all an attempt to gain love, acceptance, and approval from others, but at the expense of others’ failures or faults.
“A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.”
–Proverbs 11:13 NIV
It is written that “gossip betrays a confidence.” By implication, one cannot truly trust a gossiper at a deep level. The more time a person spends with a gossiper, the more s/he begins to think, “Hmmmmm, every time I’m around this person, they share all about the intimate secrets of others and “the dirt” that other people have done. I might be a little more careful about opening up with this person about that thing that I am struggling with and feel ashamed about.
“I think I’ll share those parts of my life with somebody else who I know can keep a secret, with whom I feel safe, who loves me for who I am, and who can be trusted to help me find freedom or to resolve this issue. But it may be best that I not share too openly about my life with this gossiper, since I’m not so sure that the thing I’m struggling or dealing with won’t be shared to her inner circle and/or to the entire world in a healthy manner.”
Now what would happen if the gossiper herself was betrayed as one of her friends said negative things about her “behind her back?” Even though the gossiper has a habit of sharing “the dirt” or inside scoop about others, as soon as someone treats her in that same fashion, she will feel livid and hurt. Suddenly, the gossiper may bemoan the wrongness of such malicious gossip, for she will feel horrible inside and be mad at her friend who betrayed her by saying bad things about her behind her back.
At the end of the day, the gossiper has demonstrated hypocrisy. For she did not treat others the way that she wanted to be treated. She did not do unto others as she would have them do to her. She desires, wants, or expects others not to spread malicious gossip or “the dirt” about her, yet she herself habitually gets a sense of pleasure from sharing “the dirt” about others.
There is an old saying that says that “birds of a feather flock together.” When it comes to churches (or any social sphere), gossipers have the uncanny ability to find each other immediately, as if guided by some magnetic law of attraction.
Interestingly, those with such a personality may often claim that they can’t stand the church “because it is so full of hypocrites.” In reality, although there are certainly hypocrites in the church–as surely as there are hypocrites in the home, the workplace, the education system, politics, the club, the entertainment industry, and anywhere else that human beings can be found–there are also loving individuals who have learned to have nothing in common with hypocrisy throughout the church as well as within society.
However, in light of the “birds of a feather flock together” principle, those people who are free from hypocrisy have great discernment and have learned to keep their distance from narcissists who are prone to gossip.
For who in their right mind would desire to be in the inner circle of somebody whom they can rely on to stab them in the back whenever something might come up between them in their friendship? An invisible law of repulsion is also at play in this kind of situation, as a mature, gracious person will not associate with a gossiper.
“He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets, therefore do not associate with a gossip.”
–Proverbs 20:19 NASB1995
Such a loving person may still interact with and show kindness to a gossiper, and the mature person’s heart will hurt for that gossiper and desire to help that gossiper become free from her prison of bitterness, rejection, envy, and self-absorption.
However, unless that gossiper is willing to change and to be honest with herself and others about the pain in her life with safe people, then mature, compassionate people may maintain an appropriate social distance from the gossiper until that gossiper demonstrates a firm, ready willingness to change.
A loving, compassionate person may also rebuke, confront, and address that pattern of gossip in the person in an honest, gracious manner as necessary, yet that loving person is not going to try to befriend that gossiper into her/his inner circle. A mature person is going to have an inner circle of confidants who are growing rooted and grounded in God’s love and who are dedicated to getting rid of anything that does not match the love nature of Jesus.
Jesus had nothing in common with narcissism, gossip, slander, malice, bitterness, arrogance, pride, envy, shame, fear, guilt, or whatever is characteristic of the fallen nature of Lucifer with which mankind had come into agreement. The disciple of Jesus becomes just like his/her Master by abiding in His Word and in His love, getting rid of all bitterness, malice, slander, hypocrisy, envy, narcissism, etc. in the process. See Matthew 10:24-25; John 8:31-32; 15:1ff; Ephesians 4:31; 1 Peter 2:1-3.
Why does a loving, wise person avoid hanging out with a practicing gossiper in his/her inner circle of friends? It is because a person who is walking in freedom from narcissism and who is growing in the nature of love understands the following spiritual, psychological, and social principles:
“A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.”
–Proverbs 16:28 NIV
“For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, 4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these.”
–2 Timothy 3:2-5 NASB1995 [emphasis mine]
“May a slanderer not be established in the earth; May evil hunt the violent man speedily.”
–Psalm 140:11 NASB1995
“He who conceals hatred has lying lips, And he who spreads slander is a fool.”
–Proverbs 10:18 NASB1995
“Do not slander a slave to his master, or he will curse you and you will be found guilty.”
–Proverbs 30:10 NASB1995
“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.”
–Ephesians 4:31 NASB1995
“Therefore, putting aside all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander, 2 like newborn babies, long for the pure milk of the word, so that by it you may grow in respect to salvation, 3 if you have tasted the kindness of the Lord.”
–1 Peter 2:1-3 NASB1995
The following is a suggested prayer for coming into agreement with God concerning gossip:
Father,
I praise You for Your love and goodness. You have nothing in common with malicious gossip, and You never spread malicious gossip about me. All your ways are perfect. You sent Your Son Jesus to destroy the works of the devil.
The devil is “the father of lies,” “the tempter,” “the accuser of the brethren,” “that serpent of old who deceives the whole world,” and is the source of malicious gossip, slander, bitterness, anxiety, envy, and every spirit, attitude, or mindset that has nothing in common with Your Holy Spirit. [see 1 John 3:8; 1 Thessalonians 3:5; John 8:44; Revelation 12:9-11; Galatians 5:19-26]
However, Jesus never maliciously gossiped about anyone, not even Judas Iscariot. Jesus acknowledged publicly to his disciples (with Judas present) that one of them was a devil (because Judas Iscariot would betray him), yet later, on the night of His betrayal, when he said that one of them would betray Him, none of the disciples had a clue as to whom He could be referring. [see John 6:68-71; 13:21-22] Even when He knew that Judas would betray Him, Jesus still loved Judas Iscariot and did not show any malice nor gossip about him, for He trusted what His heavenly Father was up to.
Jesus, I desire to be like You in every area of my life. Thank You for dying on the cross in my place and destroying the works of the devil, so that I could be made free from sin. You make me free indeed, You came to set the captives free, and your grace builds me up so that I stand firm and not be burdened again by a yoke of slavery, (for everyone who sins is a slave to sin) [see Galatians 5:1; John 8:31-36; Acts 20:32; Luke 4:18].
Your truth and grace teaches me to renounce unrighteousness (malice, bitterness, slander, gossip, envy, pride, arrogance, impurity, immorality, narcissism, and things like these). [Titus 2:11-14]
Jesus, I submit to Your loving leadership in every area of my life, just as You submit to the will of Your Father. Father, I honor Your authority and Your Word, and renounce and get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
Thank You for empowering me by Your Holy Spirit, who raised Jesus Christ from the dead, to be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving everyone who has ever hurt or offended me. [see Ephesians 4:25-32]
You sent Jesus, the Lamb of God, to take away the sin of the world. As I submit to Your Word, delight myself in You, and remain in Your love, I thank You for the intimate friendship that I get to have with You [see John 1:29; 15:1-17; 1 John 1:3]. As I grow rooted and grounded in Your love, thank You for forming me to look more and more like You each day. [see Ephesians 3:16-19; 2 Corinthians 3:17-18]
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
For more information on knowing God personally, see “Four Spiritual Laws about Prayer” or another blog-post about “Good News.”
- https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/hypocrite
- I could not yet trace the original quote, as I read this book over a decade ago. If you know or can find the source of this quote, please feel free to drop it in the comments section! 🙂